Forwarded Joke: Funny Stuff Jokes Video & Pictures

A little old lady sold pretzels on a street corner for 25 cents each.. Every day a young man would leave his office building at lunch time, and as he passed the pretzel stand, he would leave her a quarter, but never take a pretzel.
This went on for more than 3 years. The [...]

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked,
‘What’s on TV?’
I said, ‘ Dust.’
And then the fight started…
******************************************
My wife and I were watching “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire” while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, “Do you want to have sex?”
“No,” [...]

Funny for WAY too many reasons.
Here’s the original story.
Man, 81, finishes race after borrowing a catheter
MINNEAPOLIS – Organizers of the Twin Cities Marathon said they won’t disqualify an 81-year-old runner who won his age group after using a borrowed catheter. Jerry Johncock of Shelbyville, Mich., was sidelined at an aid station about 21 miles into [...]

One day, a girl walked up to her mother and looked at her mother’s hair and sadly said: “Why is some of your hair white mommy?” The mother replied, “Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turn white. The girl thought about this revelation [...]

Thanks to Today’s Joke.
1. Wear your glasses. Make sure your partner is actually in the bed.
2. Set timer for 3 minutes, in case you doze off in the middle.
3. Set the mood with lighting. (Turn them ALL OFF!)
4. Make sure you put 911 on your speed dial before you begin.
5. Write partner’s name [...]

Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway,
the good fortune to run into the ones I do,
and the eyesight to tell the difference.

Tags: health, old age, prayers, senility

An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had two final requests.
First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over WalMart.
‘WalMart?’ the preacher exclaimed.
‘Why WalMart?’
‘Then I’ll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week’

Tags: cremation, dying, old age, shopping, Walmart, will

I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor’s permission to join a fitness club and start exercising.
I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors.
I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour.
But, by the time I got my leotards on the [...]

I’ve sure gotten old! I’ve had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I’m half blind, can’t hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia.
Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands [...]

Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman:
‘And what do you think is the best thing
about being 104?’ the reporter asked.
She simply replied, ‘No peer pressure.’

Tags: old age, peer pressure, reporters, women