Forwarded Joke: Funny Stuff Jokes Video & Pictures » Driving Jokes

Granny with some GUTS

Joker — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 09:46:37 +0000

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Top 5 One Liners of the Day

Joker — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 08:50:25 +0000

5. Men are like parking spots: The good ones are taken, and the rest are handicapped.
4. Join the Army, meet interesting people, then kill them.
3. Always be sincere, even if you don’t mean it.
2. Nostalgia ain’t what it used to be.
1. (Granted it’s not a one liner, but it’s pretty good…) What is the truest definition of Globalization?
Answer: Princess Diana’s death.

An English princess with an Egyptian boyfriend crashes in a French tunnel, driving a German car with a Dutch engine, driven by a Belgian who was drunk on Scottish whisky, followed closely by Italian Paparazzi, on Japanese motorcycles; treated by an American doctor, using Brazilian medicines. I’m sending this to you,
using Bill Gates’s technology, and you’re probably reading this on your computer, that use Taiwanese chips,
and a Korean monitor, assembled by Bangladeshi workers in a Singapore plant, transported by Indian lorry-drivers, hijacked by Indonesians, unloaded by Sicilian longshoremen, and trucked to you by Mexican illegals.

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New Seat Belt Law

Joker — Tue, 08 Sep 2009 12:07:03 +0000

This became effective January 1, 2009 in ALL states.

The National Highway Safety Council has done extensive testing on a newly designed seat belt.

Results show that accidents can be reduced by as much as 45% when the belt is properly installed.

Correct Installation is illustrated below…….

Please pass on to family and friends.

THIS MAY HELP SAVE A LIFE!

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Hilarious Near Death Feats

Joker — Tue, 04 Aug 2009 13:32:56 +0000

We often forget how funny it is when someone almost gets killed but doesn’t. It’s also a bit of a relief.

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Condoms and Seatbelts Share Common Ground

Joker — Mon, 20 Jul 2009 07:23:01 +0000

A slick observation from New York Comedian Ari Teman:

There are people who still don’t wear seat belts; I don’t get it. I get people not wearing condoms—both protective devices—but nobody has ever put on a seat belt and thought, It doesn’t feel like I’m driving.

See his blog here

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Bad Day at Hallmark

Joker — Tue, 14 Jul 2009 06:23:24 +0000

Ever wondered what happens when Hallmark writers are having a bad day……..

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My tire was thumping.
I thought it was flat
When I looked at the tire…
I noticed your cat.
Sorry!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Heard your wife left you,
How upset you must be.
But don’t fret about it…
She moved in with me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Looking back over the years
that we’ve been together,
I can’t help but wonder…
‘What the hell was I thinking?’

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Congratulations on your wedding day!
Too bad no one likes your husband.

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How could two people as beautiful as you
Have such an ugly baby?

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I’ve always wanted to have
someone to hold,
someone to love.
After having met you ..
I’ve changed my mind.

————————————————————————–

I must admit, you brought Religion into my life.
I never believed in Hell until I met you.

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am…
That you’re not here to ruin it for me.

####################################################

Congratulations on your promotion.
Before you go…
Would you like to take this knife out of my back?
You’ll probably need it again.

**********************************************************

Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!
(Available only in Tennessee , Kentucky & West Virginia )

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Happy birthday! You look great for your age.
Almost Lifelike!

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When we were together,
you always said you’d die for me.
Now that we’ve broken up,
I think it’s time you kept your promise.

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We have been friends for a very long time .
let’s say we stop?

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I’m so miserable without you
it’s almost like you’re here.

=====================================================

Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.
Did you ever find out who the father was?

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

Your friends and I wanted to do
something special for your birthday.
So we’re having you put to sleep.

))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

So your daughter’s a hooker,
and it spoiled your day.
Look at the bright side,
it’s really good pay

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Driver License & Old Age

Joker — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 11:12:39 +0000

I’ve sure gotten old! I’ve had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I’m half blind, can’t hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia.
Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can’t remember if I’m 85 or 92.
Have lost all my friends.

But, thank God, I still have my driver’s license.

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Street Smart

Joker — Tue, 17 Feb 2009 14:37:41 +0000

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Woman Drivers in Action video

Joker — Wed, 11 Feb 2009 08:56:06 +0000

I know its not politically correct but this was just too funny to pass up. Women driver clips…

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