A seven year old boy was at the center of a Dallas County courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with [...]]]> Dallas, TX

A seven year old boy was at the center of a Dallas County courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten
by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulation requiring that family unity be maintained to the highest degree reasonably possible.

The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried and said that they also beat him. After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him.

After two recesses to check legal references and confer with the child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Dallas Cowboys professional football team, whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.

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“How do you know that the cat was dead?” she asked her pupil.

“Because I pissed in its ear and it didn’t move,” answered the child innocently.

You did WHAT ? ! ?” the teacher [...]]]> This is why we love children…

1. A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he’d found a cat, but it was dead.

   “How do you know that the cat was dead?” she asked her pupil.

   “Because I pissed in its ear and it didn’t move,” answered the child innocently.

   You did WHAT ? ! ?” the teacher exclaimed in surprise.

   “You know,”explained the boy, “I leaned over and went ‘Pssst!’ and it didn’t move.”

2. A small boy is sent to bed by his father.

   Five minutes later…..”Da-ad….”

   “What?”

   “I’m thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?”

   “No, You had your chance. Lights out.”

   Five minutes later: “Da-aaaad…..”

   “WHAT?”

   “I’m THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??”

   I told you NO! If you ask again, I’ll have to spank you!!”

   Five minutes later……”Daaaa-aaaad…..”

   “WHAT!”

   “When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?”

3. An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him “How do you expect to get into Heaven?”

   The boy thought it over and said, “Well, I’ll run in and out and in and o! ut and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, ‘For Heaven’s sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!’”

4. One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her son into bed.

   She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, “Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?”

   The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug.

   “I can’t dear,” she said. “I have to sleep in Daddy’s room.”

   A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice:

   “The big sissy.”

5. It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the children’s sermon. All the children were invited to come forward.

   One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat down, the pastor leaned over and said,

   “That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?”

   The little girl replied, directly into the pastor’s clip-on microphone,

   “Yes, and my Mom says it’s a bitch to iron.”

6. When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the shower.

   She said, “Mommy, you are getting fat!”

   I replied, “Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy.” !

   “I know,” she replied, but what’s growing in your butt?”

7. A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself,

   “Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven.

   Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine….”

   His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, “What are you doing?”

   The little boy answered, “I’m doing my math homework, Mom.”

   “And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?” the mother asked.

   “Yes,” he answered.

   Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, “What are you teaching my son in math?”

   The teacher replied, “Right now, we are learning addition.”

   The mother asked, “And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?”

   After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, “What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four.”

8. One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer.

   She read, “…. and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, “The sky is falling, the sky is falling!”

   The teacher paused then asked the class,

   “And what do you think that farmer said?”

   One little girl raised her hand and said,

   “I think he said: ‘Holy S..t! A talking chicken!’”

9. A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply,

   “I’m Mr. Sugarbrown’s daughter.”

   Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, “I’m Jane Sugarbrown.”

   The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said,

   “Aren’t you Mr. Sugarbrown’s daughter?”

   She replied, “I thought I was, but mother says I’m not.”

10. A little girl asked her mother, “Can I go outside and play with the boys?”

    Her mother replied, “No, you can’t play with the boys, they’re too rough.”!

    The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked,

    “If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?”

11. A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father.

    She stands next to the barber chair, while her dad gets his hair cut, eating a snack cake.

    The barber says to her, “Sweetheart, you’re gonna get hair on your Twinkie.”

    She says, “Yes, I know, and I’m gonna get boobs too.”

Now keep that smile on your face and pass it on to someone else!!

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