As they walked down the street, the one with the Doberman said to her friend, “Let’s go over to that bar for a drink.”

The lady with the Chihuahua said, “We can’t go in there. We’ve [...]]]> Two women were out for a Saturday stroll. One had a Doberman and the other, a Chihuahua.

As they walked down the street, the one with the Doberman said to her friend, “Let’s go over to that bar for a drink.”

The lady with the Chihuahua said, “We can’t go in there. We’ve got the Dogs with us.”

The one with the Doberman said, “Just watch, and do as I do.”

They walked over to the bar and the one with the Doberman put on a pair of dark glasses and Started to walk in.

The bouncer at the door said, “Sorry, lady, no pets allowed.”

The woman with the Doberman said, “You don’t understand. This is my seeing-eye dog.”

The bouncer said, “A Doberman?”

The woman said, “Yes, they’re using them now. They’re very good.”

The bouncer said, “OK, come on in.”

The lady with the Chihuahua thought that convincing him that a Chihuahua was a seeing-eye dog
May be a bit more difficult, but thought,”What the heck,” so she put on her dark glasses and started
To walk in.

Once again the bouncer said, “Sorry, lady, no pets allowed.”

The woman said, “You don’t understand. This is my seeing-eye dog.”

The bouncer said, “A Chihuahua ?”

The woman said indignantly, “A Chihuahua? They gave me a fucking Chihuahua ???????

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The parrot says, ‘I was born this way.. I’m a defective parrot.’

‘Holy crap,’ the guy replies.. ‘You actually [...]]]> A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch.. It doesn’t have any feet or legs. The guy says aloud, ‘Jeesh, I wonder what happened to this parrot?’

The parrot says, ‘I was born this way.. I’m a defective parrot.’

‘Holy crap,’ the guy replies.. ‘You actually understood and answered me!’

‘I got every word,’ says the parrot. ‘I happen to be a highly intelligent, thoroughly educated bird.’

‘Oh yeah?’ the guy asks, ‘Then answer this – how do you hang onto your perch without any feet?’

‘Well,’ the parrot says, ‘this is very embarrassing, but since you asked, I wrap my weenie around this wooden bar like a little hook. You can’t see it because of my feathers.’

‘Wow,’ says the guy. ‘You really can understand and speak English, can’t you?’

‘Actually, I speak both Spanish and English, and I can converse with reasonable competence on almost any topic: politics, religion, sports, physics, philosophy. I’m especially good at ornithology. You really ought to buy me. I’d be a great companion.’

The guy looks at the $200.00 price tag. ‘Sorry, but I just can’t afford that.’

‘Pssssssst,’ says the parrot, ‘I’m defective, so the truth is, nobody wants me cause I don’t have any feet. You can probably get me for $20. Just make the guy an offer!’

The guy offers $20 and walks out with the parrot.

Weeks go by. The parrot is sensational….

He has a great sense of humor, he’s interesting, he’s a great pal, he understands everything, he sympathizes, and he’s insightful. The guy is delighted.

One day the guy comes home from work, and the parrot says, ‘Psssssssssssst,’ and motions him over with one wing. ‘I don’t know if I should tell you this or not, but it’s about your wife and the UPS man.’

‘What are you talking about?’ asks the guy.

‘When the UPS man delivered a package today, your wife greeted him at the door in a sheer black nightie..’

‘WHAT???’ the guy asks incredulously. ‘THEN what happened?’

‘Well, then the UPS man came into the house and lifted up her nightie and began petting her all over,’ reported the parrot.

‘NO!’ he exclaims. ‘And she let him?’

‘Yes. Then he continued taking off the nightie, got down on his knees and began to kiss her all over…..’

Then the frantic guy demands, ‘THEN WHAT HAPPENED?’

‘Damned if I know. I got a hard-on and fell off my perch!’

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He nearly jumped out of his skin, turned his torch off and stayed still. After a minute he shook his head and continued on his raid.

He was just [...]]]> A burglar breaks into a house one night. He is snooping about looking for valuables when he hears a voice saying ” Jesus knows you’re here”.

He nearly jumped out of his skin, turned his torch off and stayed still. After a minute he shook his head and continued on his raid.

He was just about to put the dvd player in his bag when he heard as clear as a bell “Jesus is watching you”

Petrified he shone his light around the room till it came to rest on a parrot, in a cage, in the corner of the room.

“Did you say that?” hissed the burglar to the parrot. “Yes”, confessed the parrott, “I’m just trying to warn you that he is watching you”.

The burglar let out a huge laugh then said “Oh yeah he’s watching me, and who the hell are you?”. “I’m Moses” replied the parrott.

The burglar fell on the floor laughing “who the hell calls their parrott Moses?”

The parrot replied “The same people who call their Rottweiler Jesus!”

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