Beer as Crime Fighter
Tags: Alcohol, Barack Obama, beer, drinking, drunk, Maine, Wort Chiller |
Those of us who know beer very well, know that beer involves something called “racking canes.” It also involves “wort chillers”, a term we’d have absolutely no choice but to say would be a great name for a Milwaukee hockey team. Most of us, though, know very little about beer, except for the obvious fact that it often keeps your family safe from intruders who would otherwise harm your loved ones. Also it’s bubbly.
This happened on July 13th in Bar Harbor, Maine when, as happens to all of us from time to time, a true patriot of a homeowner woke up and found a drunk intruder sitting in his bedroom. The wasted youngster, a 22-year-old named Scott, was just hanging out or something, and what happened next puts a knot in my throat, because you can really feel the love. Instead of grabbing a knife, our homeowner chose the “guy way” of dealing with life’s inconveniences, and in true guy form, went straight to his fridge and grabbed a cold beer. He then offered it to Scott, enticing him to leave his bedroom.
Apparently, Scott was too smashed to realize that the beer was nonalcoholic, and left. Though I prefer to think that he was so touched by the gesture that he just stayed silent in awe, a tear in his eye, that much more faithful in the peaceful ways of humanity.
What I think we can take away from this story is this: beer solves everything. I hope someone high up in the White House is reading this and advises President Obama to immediately offer Kim Jong Ill a cold pint, and perhaps he’ll stop shooting missiles in random directions and generally freak people out. Iran could also use some beer. Heck – I say throw in the entire Milwaukee Wort Chillers franchise to get those guys to calm the heck down.
Tags: Alcohol, Barack Obama, beer, drinking, drunk, Maine, Wort Chiller
