Cruise Diary

DEAR DIARY . DAY ONE

I am all packed and ready to get on the cruise
ship. I've packed all my pretty dresses and
make-up. I'm really excited.

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DEAR DIARY . DAY TWO

We spent the entire day at sea. It was beautiful
and we saw some whales and dolphins.
What a wonderful vacation this has started to be. I
met the Captain today and he seems like a very nice
man.

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DEAR DIARY DAY THREE

I spent some time in the pool today. I also did
some shuffle boarding and hit some golf balls off
the deck. The Captain invited me to join him at his
table for dinner. I felt honored and we had a
wonderful time. He is a very attractive and
attentive gentleman.

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DEAR DIARY . DAY FOUR

Went to the ship's casino did OK ... won about
$80. The Captain invited me to have dinner with him
in his state room. We had a luxurious meal complete
with caviar and champagne. He asked me to stay the
night but I declined. I told him there was no way I
could be unfaithful to my husband.

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DEAR DIARY .. DAY FIVE

Went back to the pool today and got a little
sunburned. I decided to go to the piano bar and
spend the rest of the day inside. The Captain saw
me and bought me a couple of drinks. He really is a
charming gentleman He again asked me to visit him
for the night and again I declined. He told me that
if I didn't let him have his way with me he would
sink the ship. I was appalled.

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DEAR DIARY. DAY SIX

I saved 1600 lives today... Twice.

A Yiddisha Kopf

An old Jewish man lived alone in the country. He needed to plant his potato garden but the task was too daunting for the old man as the ground was hard.

His only son, Sol, who used to help him dig, was in federal prison for Insider Trading and Stock Fraud. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:

Dear Solly:
I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my potato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me.
Love, Papa

A few days later, the old man received a letter from his son:

Dear Papa:
For heaven's sake Dad, don't dig up that garden, that's where I buried the money & stocks.
Love, Solly


At 4:00 a.m. the next morning, a team of FBI agents and local police arrived at the old man's house and dug up the entire garden area without finding any money or stocks. They apologized to the old man and left.

That same day the old man received another letter from his son:

Dear Papa:
Go ahead and plant the potatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances.
Love, Solly

Science and Nature Nuggets

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
(Hardly seems worth it.)

If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
(Now that's more like it!)

The human heart! creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
(O.M.G.!)


A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
(In my next life, I want to be a pig.)


A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death! (Creepy)
(I'm still not over the pig.)

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour
(Don't try this at home,maybe at work)



The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.
('Honey, I'm home. What the....?!')


The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.
(30 minutes..lucky pig! Can you imagine?)


The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)


Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity)


Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Something I always wanted to know.)

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
(Hmmmmmm......)


Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.
(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)


Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
(okay, so that would be a good thing)


A cat's urine glows under a black light.
(I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)


An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that.)


Starfish have no brains.
(I know some people like that too )

Polar bears are left-handed.
(If they switch, they'll live a lot longer)


Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(What about that pig??)

Forget Something?

The Ass Family

Bathroom Break in Beijing

Funniest Laugh Ever

glumbert - Laughter is contagious

Saudi Skating

Donating To Israel

A man arrives at Ben Gurion International Airport with two large bags.
The customs agent opens the first bag and finds it full with money in different currencies.

The agent asks the passenger, "How did you get this money?"

The man says, "You will not believe it, but I traveled all over Europe and went into all the public restrooms that I could. Each time I saw a man pee, I grabbed his organ and said, 'Donate money to Israel or I will cut off your balls."'

The customs agent is stunned and mumbles: "Well...it's a very interesting story... what do you have in the other bag?"

The man says, "You would not believe how many people in Europe do not support Israel"....

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